Even months later, the pain of losing a pet can still hit without warning
The trigger might come when you notice—yet again—just how empty the house feels without your cat’s familiar presence, the soft sound of padded paws now absent. Or when you unexpectedly stumble upon your late dog’s leash, recalling the sheer excitement it once sparked.
Losing a pet can leave owners feeling profoundly lonely, especially if the people around them struggle to understand their grief—whether because they’ve never had a pet themselves or simply feel unsure of how to offer support.
So how can grieving pet owners, and those close to them, navigate the loss in a more compassionate way? Experts in pet bereavement share their insights:
Accept That Grief is Natural
For some, losing a pet can feel even more devastating than the passing of a person. That doesn’t mean they’re heartless—it’s simply a testament to the strength of human-animal bonds.
“A pet is often the most constant presence in a person’s life—the one they see every day, the one who sleeps on their bed and cuddles with them on the couch,” says E.B. Bartels, author of Good Grief: On Loving Pets, Here and Hereafter.
She adds, “Some people feel more comfortable with animals than with humans. Losing that relationship can be incredibly hard.”
Be a Supportive Listener
Those who haven’t experienced the deep connection of pet companionship may not fully grasp the weight of the loss. Well-meaning but dismissive comments like, “It was just an animal” or “They had a great life” can leave grieving owners feeling isolated and unheard.
“You feel like you can’t talk about it because people don’t really understand,” says Annalisa de Carteret, who runs pet-loss support services for the U.K.-based charity Blue Cross.
Instead, she suggests simply listening. “Let the person express their feelings—you don’t need to offer commentary. Avoid clichés like, ‘You can always get another pet’ or ‘At least they lived a long life.’ Those statements don’t help, because the owner already knows them. They just need someone to acknowledge their sadness.”
Any Pet Can Leave a Deep Void
Another important reminder: The level of grief isn’t dictated by the pet’s species, size, or lifespan. Losing a lizard, bird, or fish can be just as heartbreaking for some as losing a furry companion is for others.
“My friend’s dad has a koi pond, and he was devastated when a raccoon killed all of his koi one summer,” Bartels shares. “Some people might dismiss that and say, ‘Oh, they’re just fish.’ But he truly loved them.”
Practical support can also go a long way. A grieving dog owner, for instance, might miss the daily walks that once structured their routine. Offering to accompany them on a stroll can provide comfort and companionship.
“Losing a pet can also mean losing a social community,” Bartels explains. “If you used to visit the dog park every morning and chat with the same people, that’s suddenly gone. The loss is bigger than just the pet—it’s a disruption to daily life.”
Guilt Often Accompanies Grief
Every year, around 30,000 people reach out to Blue Cross for pet-loss support, and many of them struggle with guilt, de Carteret says.
“They wonder, ‘If I had done something differently, would they still be here?’ If a pet was stolen, they may blame themselves for leaving them in the yard. It’s a heartbreaking cycle of ‘What ifs?’”
Some owners also feel guilty when their grief over a pet outweighs their sadness over a human loss. “It’s completely normal,” de Carteret reassures. “But it can feel wrong to admit it, so people keep it to themselves.”
Is Getting a New Pet the Answer?
Maybe—but it’s not a guaranteed fix. A new pet comes with its own personality and quirks, and it won’t necessarily fill the void left by the one who passed. If your previous pet was an adult, the prospect of training a rambunctious puppy or kitten might feel overwhelming.
Ultimately, grief takes time. The ache of loss doesn’t have a set expiration date.
Bartels, who lost her dog Seymour last June, knows this firsthand.
“I’m sure it’ll hit me hard again when the one-year anniversary comes around,” she says.
De Carteret still keeps her late dog’s ashes by her fireplace—his favorite spot in the house.
“Some people might find that odd,” she admits. “But that’s what brings me comfort. Everyone has to find their own way to cope.”